Repressed: subjected to, affected by or characteristic of psychological repression
Repress: to inhibit or suppress.
Hullo again, my friends and readers...
I fear that I must now do something which I have never before attempted--I must needs repress not merely the memory of one person, but the entire summation of my time with that person from memory. Places, touches...any emotional attachment to this person must be wiped clean in order for my "resurrection" to continue.
Once, I steadfastly felt that my beliefs in the sanctity of marriage could not be dislodged. These walls were breached by a cunning vixen who lured me in with the promise of friendship--once there, the true depths of her seduction became apparent. My training teaches that every touch, every emotional response that one receives through interactions with other humans, plants and our world at large leaves an emotional fingerprint. Therefore, removing the entiretity of a person with whom you share more than a casual acquaintance with leaves one with innumerable fingerprints on their psyche--the weight of this task, now committed to paper, has broken me to tears.
How can I forget? How can I just rip a major part of the last four years of my life out? Hopefully I can find an answer soon, as this weighs heavily upon my shoulder.
It harkens back to the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, where Jim Carrey's character attempts this very act out of desperation. Though I am not at mind's end like him, this person can not live within my thoughts and be congruous with my new mindset. In actuality, repression is not a strong enough term...this person must be expulsed from my memories, like so much rotten fruit from the mouth of a homeless person. Repression only inhibits these memories...inhibitions can be recalled, resurface. To expulse something is akin to exiling matter. It shall NOT be allowed within my walls again.
I'm not sure where to begin...the beginning? Our first "meeting"? I just don't know...this is so large I can't get a grasp on it...
I'm sorry, I....
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